Rabbi Rosenberg responds:

I sincerely thank you for your sentiments. Your concern seems real, and that is surely the first step towards meaningful living. You are wise to follow your rabbeim, and you are most definitely correct that frum Jews all over should do the same.

I would like to preface my remarks, though, by stating that while I believe you are sincere, please realize that an unsigned letter quoting unnamed people can only be taken as your personal opinion - which is fine. Writing things such as, “My yeshiva is one of the biggest in America,” and, “My roshei yeshiva are frequent speakers on chinuch at Agudah and Torah Umesorah conventions,” could haveadded so much to the discussion, if we’d have a clue who these people are and what they said. The claim alone, though, regrettably, can add nothing to the dialogue.

It is quite ironic that you ask - about an article which was almost entirely quoted from sources - whom I “consulted before penning my article,” while your letter has not a single name or source in it. I do take your sentiments with respect, as your personal feelings, and I hope to be able to clarify a few points.

From what you wrote, you seem to have understood that the gist of my article was in fact not so much about potching per se, as it was about the foolishness and offensiveness of arguing with our Torah. Our point was a simple one: In the Torah’s view, potching is auseful and even necessary tool in chinuch. End of story. This is non-debatable. No rebbi, rosh yeshiva or speaker at any convention can ever - or would ever - argue with that, and I don’t believe you have any argument with this either.

In an unfortunate predilection towards a supposed spirit of ‘progressiveness’ - of questioning all common sense and everything we’ve held sacred until now - some elements have begun ridiculing potching as a disciplinary tool. They claim that it is wrong even in theory, and that there is no right way to do it. They’d have us believe that potching is inherently foolish.

Our article addressed that short-sighted, misleading and foolish assertion. We sought to remind ourselves, as believing Jews, that the Torah is true, will always be so, and we ignore it or doubt it, chas veshalom, at great risk to our physical wellbeing, let alone our spiritual one. We felt this worthy of discussion being that potching is merely one example of where this new cynicism and know-better attitude seems to have infiltrated our thinking. This was the crux of our discussion.

The topic you mention in your letter is not about whether potching is inherently good. It’s about whether we cancarry out this sort of discipline in actual practice. As far as this aspect is concerned, you are right that, as I wrote in the article, I am not qualified to render any personal opinion whatsoever.

Any and all opinions which did come up in the article were not mine, but were directly quoted from other sources. We quoted Rav Wolbe zt”l, a quite contemporary rebbi and practical guide to thousands, who plainly says that there arecircumstances in which a parental potch would be well-advised and would have no adverse long-term effects. (Incidentally, I was since told that, at Rav Wolbe’s behest, the newer prints of his parenting sefer do include the paragraphs we quoted, with a note apologizing for their “inadvertent omission” from the original.)

Rav Chaim Kanievsky shlit”a isa contemporary Torah giant, and his sefer from which we quoted was published not too many years ago. It was published specifically for us, for this generation, for me and for you. Rav Eliyahu Eliezer Dessler zt”l lived not too long ago, and those who felt we should no longer potch were already making their case in his day. He vehemently opposed their idea as well.

(For additional discussion, one might wish to listen to a fascinating shiur on the topic by noted posek and author Rav Simcha Bunim Cohen, on Kol Haloshon, by dialing 718.906.6400, then pressing 1-4-6-86 at the prompts. It’s about fifteen minutes into the shiur.)

If a person’s rabbeim tell him that he, specifically, or his specific group, should never administer such discipline, the rabbeim’s words should surely be heeded! As noted, if we’d poke out eyes while waving our lulavim, our rabbeim might tell us to cease performing this great mitzvah. A rebbi knows his talmidim best, and advises them as per their best interest. In no way should we infer, though, that potching is wrong in general, or that there aren’t many others who do know how to administer a loving, caring, occasional potch. Parents are not all the same, nor are all children or all situations.

One last note: There are some, it seems, who, sadly, have had bad experiences with being hit in anger, often, or in demeaning ways, by lousy parents or rabbeim. Some of these people, when reading about potching, seem to automatically associate the act with its wrongful administration, and they are horrified that anyone would defend, or even recommend, such a thing.

They should realize, though, that there are many loving, caring parents and rabbeim who would never hit a child in anger or in a way that would hurt their own flesh and blood. Their potch is administered in a controlled, calm and disciplinary manner, when necessary, for the ultimate benefit and development of their child. To judge this sort of discipline through the lens of a personal negative experience or view is misguided.

Ultimately, we have a mesorah and parents to follow, and morei derech from whom to seek guidance. We’ve quoted from some in our article. There are many others. You should surely follow your own rabbeim. When we keep our personal opinions out of it and follow our morei derech, we will never go wrong or be machshil anyone.

Wishing you much siyata diShmaya,

Yossi Rosenberg